i feel like shit.
absolute bottom line shit.
just putting it out there—plain and simple
for you all to know
as to why i am about to sound
like a complete and utter asshole.
let’s start with this:
why am i so fucking angry?
my heart is overheating;
i’m caught in a delicate inferno—
feelings soft enough to empathize with you,
but dangerous enough to retaliate
when i just want to be alone.
which brings me to my next question:
why are you still with me?
right by my side,
sitting beside my malignant wings.
just leave me alone.
i can’t handle being with you sometimes,
my mind clouds with smoke i’ve inhaled
due to resistance,
begging for redemption.
you see that too…
you see how hard i’m trying,
yet you still remain with me even if you get burned.
you’re sweet, you know that?
but you’re too sanguine for me at times;
you give me a bad headache
after indulging too much of you.
did you know that you are kind too?
you always ask
before receiving what my fiery spirit
can give you.
you make sure you don’t extinguish the flames in me,
but i don’t care what happens;
i don’t care because it’s you.
i do this
because i want to give you a chance
too after everything you’ve gone through.
i do this
because i know you don’t like mean people,
those without morals
besides making such an obvious observation,
i am bountiful with knowledge of you,
for i have explored all of you
through the storms inside your castle
and the eerie calm that follows it.
i know all the small details about you,
even your favorite food joint.
because, just like that,
it’s been engrained in my brain.
for i have listened to you go on
it just feels like my golden blood
rushes to my head after a while
because of being with you
and i’m sorry for feeling that way.
i truly am apologizing to you
because you’re incredibly close to me,
my naïve warrior,
i need my own space too,
that doesn’t mean i love you less,
but if i don’t step back,
it just feels like i’m drowning in you
and i can’t breathe,
God i can’t breathe.
i feel like shit,
but this is all i can handle;
i don’t mean to limit you as a caring individual,
but please go.
leave me alone for a while.
just a little while.
saying that statement made me feel like shit too,
but God just for a little while,
so i can finally feel like i’m flying once again.