who am i by Melis Gordem

a shadow.
i hide behind my
insecurities,
flaws,
and fears
only to cast them away
to the desolate cave in my heart.
i have engendered a distortion
that only i can bear
and wish for others not
to see,
to change,
and to feel
this maelstrom of animosity.
all this disheveled chaos
is hidden behind a false image
i put on every day.

a persona.
i stand all high and mighty,
portraying myself as this iridescent figure
in this bleak and monochromatic society.
confidence, opulence, and arrogance
drips from my soul to mask my everyday worries.
i act as if i have everything in this ephemeral world:
friends,
family,
and materialized worldly desires
all within my pool of redemption.
i act as if i am this convivial individual, but
i put my anxieties behind
so others wouldn’t care for the grotesque version of me.
i want them to care for the happier me
dancing in a masquerade
and never burden themselves with my hopeless shadow.

an animus.
my actions of my everyday life
proves how i am the antithesis of ladylike:
my voice,
i can either be soft spoken
and delicate with each syllable i enunciate
or i can become a stubborn force to be reckoned with
who speaks whatever i have in mind
no matter how blunt it comes off as.
my body language,
i choose not to shrink for everyone’s satisfaction,
for i know i am a righteous individual
who deserves as much space as i so desire
no matter how entitled that may sound.
my manners,
i may act as an arrogant fool
for believing others should not remain idle in the face of labor,
but no one should expect
a prim and proper female to attend
to not only her duties,
but also their duties.
all these aspects inflate how i am everything but ladylike
due to my outspokenness of going against the social norm.

the self.
you’re a beautiful labyrinth.
why do you worry about these complex issues?
why burden yourself of wearing distinct masks every day?
why bother thinking about the several images you have conveyed?
all these portrayals have inadvertently revealed
that you are a misunderstood child who has endured so much,
for the innocence of your youth has withered.
however, a new spirit has been born:
it manifests rebellion
and yearning
for a raw version of the self
and an honest future.
please leave the ways of your shadow,
for the world exists within you.

— i am a composition of these archetypes

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