Loneliness Isn’t a Sharp Knife Anymore by Vanessa Maki

Anxiety doesn’t strangle her as much these days and for that Diamond is so fucking grateful. Before the world went up in absolute smoke, she was a bundle of anxiety and consistently worried that she was a wrecking ball. People didn’t stick around in her life for long periods of time, not even her own brother, who abandoned her right before all the chaos. She didn’t even know if he was still alive or if he was laying dead somewhere. While a small part of her gave a shit, the rest of her didn’t really care anymore.

The building that Diamond decided to hide away in was secure. No one could break in without her noticing and she always made sure to check every accessible entrance. Occasionally she dealt with a break in but she managed to scare the intruders off with a loud screech. And a few occasions resulted in blood splatter type violence. Other than that she was peachy fucking keen with her ‘home’. As much as anyone could be with an empty office building and no one to talk to. But the loneliness wasn’t unbearable like it had been in the beginning. Back then Diamond broke down just a little bit because there was too much happening. There were people screaming in the streets, dead bodies everywhere, buildings going up in flames and just an overall abundance of violence.

Now what was indefinitely a post apocalyptic world, felt mostly normal.

Diamond took a bite out of her granola bar and stared out the window. The city was burnt to a damn crisp and people were wandering around down below. Everyone was homeless now, unless they took refuge in a building. She considered inviting some people inside but she didn’t know what they’d do. Anyone could be too far gone, in a mental way, which would cause more problems than not. And thankfully loneliness wasn’t a sharp knife in her side now. Diamond wasn’t desperate for company or someone to lay with her at night to keep her warm. That in itself was comforting and a relief.

 

Vanessa Maki is a queer writer,artist & other things. She’s full of black girl magic & has no apologizes for that. Her work has appeared/is forthcoming in a variety of places. She’s EIC of rose quartz magazine & is involved in other spaces as well. Follow her twitter & visit her site .

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