trigger warning: sexual assault and self-harm
scrubbing scrubbing trying to get it all off. cleanliness is next to godliness they say but i feel neither cleanly or godly because no matter how hard i scrub i can’t seem to get it off. everything needs to be perfect and clean perfectly clean. i felt so dirty and everything felt dirty since that night so I make it better by scrubbing it all clean except this time it’s not working. it won’t come off i can’t get it clean and i can still see it like it’s right here in front of me and it’s making my lungs tight and i hate the pressure so i keep scrubbing. i just want the voices to be quiet and tonight they stopped i made them stop. now i just have to scrub it all away make it all shining and clean and cleanly and godly again. now i am scrubbing scrubbing scrubbing but it’s not working and i look down at everything i wish i couldn’t see it’s all still there and it won’t come off it’s everywhere and no matter what i do i can’t get it off it won’t come off it won’t come off it won’t come off
Royal Rose 